Author of the New York Times bestselling book Confessions of a Scary Mommy and owner of scarymommy.com. Fond of four letter curse words, sarcasm and Diet Coke.

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scarymommy I have a sinking feeling that Lily has strep. I know her throat hurts and all, but this really puts a crimp in MY day tomorrow. No fair.

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scarymommy Thinking I should start marketing my book as a sick-day read. Call in sick, do a face mask and read the book! http://t.co/98bLOXrd @jodifur

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scarymommy I will be making these for every party I throw from now on. http://t.co/5nm5fFT4 Thanks @baristakids !

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scarymommy I have a good feeling about #glee tonight.

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scarymommy Horribly awkward moment of the day: http://t.co/wnGcqGS5

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scarymommy The daily PR pitches for "What to Expect" have me sick to death of the movie & it's not even out. Is it too much to expect them to end soon?

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scarymommy I just went through all seven stages of grief within the three seconds it took to answer a call from the school nurse.

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scarymommy I'm so glad I didn't write this post, but I'm even more glad someone did: http://t.co/apuEq2On

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scarymommy RT @Ouidad : *End your shower with a cold water rinse.* Check out more (not so) scary #curl tips from @scarymommy http://t.co/PzvFoei3

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scarymommy Sex & the Intruder http://t.co/ZtzZQsiv

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scarymommy Why I am now going to sleep for a million years. (Or, five hours.) http://t.co/bu97otJT

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scarymommy RT @Camilladresses : I love this. It's a bit belated for US mothers day but 'Here’s to Us' http://t.co/s617uotI

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scarymommy Hit so close to home. RT @NinaBadzin : Essay by @aswinn in @PsychToday explores motherhood, ambition, guilt, & balance. http://t.co/yD9m0X4D

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scarymommy Baltimore tweeps: I'll be at @weechicboutique in Greenspring Station until 7 signing books. Stop on by!

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scarymommy Have you read Confessions of a Scary Mommy? Did you like it? How about posting a review and making my day? http://t.co/F47Dm8XI

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scarymommy Baltimore people: I'll be at Wee Chic Boutique today signing books from 4-7PM. Stop by and say hello!

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scarymommy A Mother's Day post for all of you. (Best consumed with a glass of wine) http://t.co/z4Bh0Oxj

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scarymommy LOL confession of the night goes to... http://t.co/bWVo86w1

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scarymommy In honor of Mother's Day, how about confessing your best mommy sin of the year? I dare you.

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scarymommy For you, moms: http://t.co/z4Bh0Oxj

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scarymommy Moms: Here's to us... http://t.co/5Ij8Ls5X

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scarymommy Came home from five days away to find a half tray of chicken nuggets in the toaster. Apparently, they were... http://t.co/AkWLcXJz

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scarymommy This dad is SO getting laid tonight. http://t.co/KlGPGf53

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scarymommy I'll be on @foxandfriends this morning around 8:20. Hoping the makeup person here is a miracle worker & can mask the circles under my eyes!

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scarymommy I want one!!! RT @DarleneMAM : Complimentary massages. Thanks Scary Mommy @scarymommy http://t.co/dIrssWMX

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