Writer: Deadspin, Kissing Suzy Kolber, NBC, GQ, Maxim, The Postmortal (Available to pre-order thru here: http://is.gd/NmUQWW). World's tenderest lover.

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drewmagary The Bikini Fitness Open is very crucial. 2:1 odds half these women end up in a Baltimore shipping container. http://t.co/msiEnzkK

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary From @gfish405 comes this DAMNING indictment of #BIGMAYO's stranglehold on America. http://t.co/emOHrdTc

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary $72 trillion in damages against Limewire? That's a whole lot of downloads of "Porcelain". http://t.co/ikt0i0M9 @TheAVClub

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary And don't even get me started on the OLIVEGARCHY, polluting our salads and pizzas one black ring at a time.

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary And now #BIGMAYO has the support of the BLT Party! THIS IS NOT AMERICA.

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Maybe even mayo marriage. Fucking disgusting. Don't smear your gross oily whiteness all over my marriage, #BIGMAYO

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary You know what #BIGMAYO is planning next, don't you? MAYO PRIDE PARADES.

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary This woman is taking a bong hit while doing yoga. http://t.co/KxnFduhT

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Want to know why every deli has tuna salad? #BIGMAYO

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Ever wonder why the White House is white? #BIGMAYO

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary People, @bonappetit retweeted my hatred of mayonnaise and then unretweeted it. BIG MAYONNAISE IS CLEARLY BEHIND THIS.

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Who are the suckers who bought Facebook stock? I wouldn't buy Facebook stock with Lenny Dykstra's Discover card.

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Why is the New York Times teaching people to make mayonnaise? IS THE WORLD NOT ALREADY HORRIBLY SATURATED WITH THIS HORSE CUM?!

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary "What if we took the past and just, like, Autotuned the shit out of it?" -Great Gatsby trailer

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Here's me going poopy on Roger Goodell. http://t.co/BPiffl0Z

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Colin Cowherd is wearing molester Transition lenses right now because of course he is.

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary TV spoiler rules. http://t.co/gw2cNU1i

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Oh hi, can I stab your comment in the face? http://t.co/bJDFUKRF

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary These days, all album covers should be in animated gif form. http://t.co/kqPWsdP1

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Slinky on a treadmill! THAT'S GREAT SLINKIN'! http://t.co/AZNiyxFl @kottke

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary "You know, once upon a time the three most popular sports were baseball, boxing, and horse rac..." SHUT UP OLD NEWSPAPER GUY WE KNOW THAT.

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Liz Smith reads GQ for you! http://t.co/xLDWTEan

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary FUNBAG! http://t.co/Qmq6YnaB

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary Well honestly, who HASN'T thought of running around Brooklyn blowgunning everyone?

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

drewmagary "I blinked my eyes at the $$125 set price for four courses at dinner. Then I decided not to worry." GOOD FOR YOU, DICK. http://t.co/4WsuxMYH

by Drew Magary, Columnist, Deadspin (Rank #82)

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