Heather Armstrong

dooce I was never eight years old so I don't understand: http://t.co/qD1vhanT

dooce The Cranberries came on the stereo at the gym and, well, it turns out the music in this cop's squad car is even worse.

dooce Just drank a smoothie filled with kale, so, you know, my farts are going to smell like moral superiority.

dooce HOLY SHIT I SEXTED MY BROTHER: http://t.co/xXSjUzOF

dooce Yes, I know this is my CHAIR, gay man who got carried away with the label maker.

dooce "You have a right to a quiet trip free of horn-honking." - sign in NYC cab. This car honors my private parts more than Republicans do.

dooce UGH! Remember trying to text on these things? http://t.co/p5SBRv7I

dooce Has anyone ever debarked their three-year-old? http://t.co/uSb8FTrH

dooce Toddler saved all the marshmallows in her Lucky Charms for last LIKE A FUCKING PRO.

dooce For Jeff: http://t.co/SQzZpACS

dooce At least now I know how to get rid of the mythical bobcat: http://t.co/J39cGFKr

dooce No longer pixie http://t.co/lKagEAr9

dooce In a couple of months when they perform my autopsy, the report will come back saying, "It appears her kid recently turned three."

dooce It's not road "rage" if I'm laughing the whole time I'm doing it.

dooce A fish gets a name: http://t.co/Kk8S2jes

dooce Yes, let's provide a real service to the Internet by publicly maligning someone who has lost a child! http://t.co/KS4mCA2B

dooce No Mother's Day: http://t.co/a0wNjFzo

dooce Thank you, @deltaspirit for an incredible Monday night in SLC! MORMONS DO MONDAY BEST.

dooce Just found a rattlesnake in the backyard. I'll be dead for the rest of my life in case you were looking for me.

dooce You guys, I need better handlers. One was feeding me kibble through the cage and I managed to bite her hand. Amateur.

dooce Toddler, knocking and eager to join me in the bathroom, "Open de door, Sweetie."

dooce They should just rename tapas Appetizers For The Wendy's Cheeseburger You're Going To Need Afterward.

dooce Are you an attorney? I'm hiring: http://t.co/uai83XkV

dooce If you can get through this whole song without once going, "HOLY SHIT," well then, you and I are never going to party: http://t.co/pAGlWVCP

dooce With the @SamsungMobileUS #GalaxyNote I documented my recent trip to NYC with a personal touch. Watch more at http://t.co/42CYoIWV